


Heartless Tin: a Pulp Romance

by Merideath



Category: Tin Man (2007)
Genre: Crack, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-07
Updated: 2013-02-07
Packaged: 2017-11-28 12:39:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/674486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merideath/pseuds/Merideath
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>‘Look’ DG said holding out the book in question. It was a small pulp paperback; the title on the cover was Heartless Tin. The picture on the cover was of a Tin Man with ice blue eyes, knife in one hand, six shooter in the other, the Tin Man wore a duster that billowed out behind him, a pale shirt opened to the waist. Curled around the Tin Man’s leg was a dark haired woman with a torn dress with a low cut and very tight bodice and leg exposed to the thigh. Behind the Tin Man stood a tin suit and on the bottom on the book was the quote, ‘Trust me, heart’s got nothin’ to do with it.’ in emerald green lettering, no author was listed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heartless Tin: a Pulp Romance

**Author's Note:**

> This is pure crack that I wrote a year ago and it only ever saw the light of day on my lj.

pulp fiction   
noun  
-fiction dealing with lurid or sensational subjects, often printed on rough, low-quality paper manufactured from wood pulp.

 

‘What? No way. No fucking way. ‘DG shrieked face turning an improbably bright shade of pink as she closed the book in her hands. ‘Oh my fucking god. Cain is going to go mental.’

‘DG! You shouldn’t say such things. Tis language most unbecoming of a princess. What would mother say?’ Az reproached as DG rolled her eyes before glaring back down at the book in her hands. ‘What is it?’

‘What’s up Doll?’ Glitch said reaching for the book in DG’s hands but she battered his hands away looking over her shoulder spying a familiar fedora and duster keeping guard outside the small bookshop. A little bookshop in Central city that DG thought looked like the one in the Neverending Story.

‘Look’ DG said holding out the book in question. It was a small pulp paperback; the title on the cover was Heartless Tin. The picture on the cover was of a Tin Man with ice blue eyes, knife in one hand, six shooter in the other, the Tin Man wore a duster that billowed out behind him, a pale shirt opened to the waist. Curled around the Tin Man’s leg was a dark haired woman with a torn dress with a low cut and very tight bodice and leg exposed to the thigh. Behind the Tin Man stood a tin suit and on the bottom on the book was the quote, ‘Trust me, heart’s got nothin’ to do with it.’ in emerald green lettering, no author was listed.

_‘West Clay was a Tin Man without a heart locked in an iron suit for ten annuals he watched as his family was destroyed by ruthless Longcoats. Released from his prison by a beautiful witch with luminous eye from the wrong side of the rainbow, all Clay wants to do is seek revenge on the man that imprisoned him. Tore out his heart and burned it to ash. When all she asks for your help, how can you say no? So Clay agrees to protect Drusilla Grey from a vengeful Longcoats-- but what he doesn't realize is that he'll have traipse halfway across the Outer Zone, fight off rabid mobats, Longcoats while weaving though the back allies of the Sin District in search of the Wizard.’_

DG finished reading aloud the blurb on the back of the cover. ‘This... this is so wrong. What do I do?’

‘Buy it.’ Az replied plucking the book from her sister’s hands and adding it to her pile of rare Ixian poetry books as Glitch wandered off muttering to himself as he filled a second basket with random books. Az smiled as she paid for the books and handed DG her’s wrapped in emerald green paper and twine.

DG bit her lip, glancing once more towards the door, wide blue eyes meeting ice blue. ‘This so isn’t going to end well.’ She muttered gripping the book tightly in her hands as Cain swung the door open. ‘Not well at all.’

‘Kid?’ Cain inquired scared brow arching.

‘Nothing!’ DG blurted cheerily, skipping out the door.  
............................................................................................................................................................................................

_... ‘Why the sudden change of heart?’ The girl asked earnestly, pale fingers toying with the ties of her bodice.  
‘Trust me, heart’s got nothin’ to do with it.’ Clay growled eyes raking over Drusilla’s body as one pale brow arched and a feral grin ghosted across his lips, icy eye glinting beneath his worn fedora..._

‘Ozma’s silver freaking slippers. Cain’s gonna have a coronary.’’ DG whispered to herself, cheeks flushing pink as her eyes skimmed through the pages of Heartless Tin safely curled under blankets behind the locked door of her room. She spent the night reading, devouring every word despite the initial anger and shock at seeing a fractured and explicit version of her trip through the O.Z. The book’s West Clay was not far off the mark of Wyatt Cain, he was stoic, cynical, stubborn, taciturn, angry, bitter, broken, heartless but not soulless. A shoot first and ask questions later sort of man. Hardboiled Detective, cowboy, white knight, soldier, and survivor. Elliot Ness, Sam Spade, Indiana Jones, Malcolm Reynolds and every Big Damn Hero DG ever crushed on. Though Clay was decidedly less honour bound and noble than Wyatt Cain.

Despite her initial shock, anger and embarrassment DG was lost in the adventures of West Clay and the good witch Drusilla Grey, and more than a little jealous of Drusilla’s heaving bosom and getting her Tin Man. DG sighed, ‘If only facts were as fun as the fiction.’ DG fell asleep reading, her dreams filled with Wyatt Cain in the small hours before the first sun rose. She awoke flushed and whimpering Cain’s name.  
...........................................................................................................................................................................................

‘It’s just so....Gods that so isn’t how it happened. Gods he never looked at me like that. How could they write this?’ DG exclaimed as she sat beside her sister in a warmly lit sitting room. ‘West Clay, Wyatt Cain, for god’s sake Drusilla Grey. How is that even cleaver? And... and the sex. This is so embarrassing. This is way worse than that play the turkeys wrote or the dolls. I mean really what am I going to tell Cain? This is fantasy; it’s so not what happened.’

A wry and knowing smile flickered across Azkadilla’s face as she read the page over DG’s shoulder before plucking the book from DG’s hands and flicking through the pages. ‘Perhaps not, but I wonder if it is how you wished it happened little sister.’ 

‘Az!’ DG spluttered face flaming. ‘It’s Cain...he’s my friend. He.. I.. I don’t think...’

‘Oh my. It appears Mr. Clay may not have a heart but he appears to have a very...’

‘Azkadellia!’ DG shrieked blue eyes impossibly wide. 

‘It’s very...um purple....The prose DG. It’s purple prose. Sometimes I think your mind is stuck in the Sin District. Purple prose is writing that is...’ Az said dryly tapping the open book.

‘I know what it means Az.’ DG grumbled. ‘Have you read page 96? I mean can you even do that? On a...’ Before Azkadellia could answer the door to the parlour swung open and Wyatt Cain stalked in followed by Jeb. ‘Fuck.’ DG though snatching the book back from Az and shoving it under a cushion. ‘Hey Cain! Jeb!’ She beamed.

‘Kid. Princess Az.’ Cain replied head tilted to the side, eyes narrowed as DG flashed innocent wide eyes and a small smirk ghosted across Azkadellia’s pale face.

‘Commander Cain, Captain Cain I was just leaving. I wish you gentlemen goodnight.’ Azkadellia smiled as she gracefully got to her feet and floated out the door leaving DG alone.

‘Traitor!’ DG muttered at her sister’s retreating back.

‘What was that all about?’ Jeb asked looking from the door to Princess DG.

‘Er...nothing.’ DG chimed. Cain arched a brow in disbelief, his gaze dropping to DG’s hand gripping tightly to a golden brocade cushion. ‘I...er..have to go to my magic lesson.’ DG lied badly, slipping the book out from under the cushion and into the folds of her pale purple day dress and attempted to slip past Cain. Really she should have known better. Nothing ever went right when she tried to hide something from the stoic Tin Man. Cain reached out and grasped her by the wrist spinning DG around much to Jeb’s amusement.

‘DG. What’s going on?’

‘Nothing. Why would you think anything was going on?’ DG looked up at Cain with her best wide eyed innocent gaze as she moved the book behind her. Cain’s lips curved up and he swiftly reached around DG pulling the book from her hands. ‘Hey! That’s mine give it back!’ DG leapt for the book as Cain held it out of reach. Cain chuckled and a real smile spread across his face until he looked at the cover of the book in his hand. DG stilled her hand pressed against her mouth as the amusement died on Cain’s face. ‘Cain I... It was in the bookshop today. I didn’t know you had pulp fiction here you know James Bond and all that. It’s kinda flattering really. Um heroic? Oh god this is so messed up and embarrassing as all hell.’ DG rambled but Cain didn’t reply as he flipped the book over reading the jacket. DG hid her scarlet face in her hands tears brimming in her eyes.

‘Dad?’ Jeb said as he stepped forward hand reaching for his father’s shoulder.

‘Papayfucker.’ Cain growled out as he flipped through the pages of the book. DG’s eyes nearly fell out of her head. Cain never swore. Jeb reached for the book but Cain batted his son’s hand away.

‘Dad is that meant to be...you?’ Jeb started as he caught sight of the Tin Man on the cover of the book and reached out to snatch it from his father’s hands again. ‘Heartless Tin the story of....'

‘Not one more word Jeb.’ Cain snarled flipping scanning through the pages of the book.

‘I’ll um just go to Toto. I uh have a lesson.’ DG faltered watching in fascinated horror as colour infused Cain’s cheeks and the tips of his ears a bright red. Cain reached up tugging his fedora down, but it did nothing to hide the colour and DG was silently wondering if it was possible to have her room painted the same shade of red. West Clay definitely did not blush. Wyatt Cain certainly did, spectacularly so.

‘You bought this. You read this.’ it was in no way a question and DG wondered if he was reading page 96, or 108, or 157 and then she began to think about what happened in those pages. ‘Yes.’ DG muttered to herself as Jeb read over Cain’s shoulder.  
Jeb whistled low under his breath and Cain elbowed him in the ribs. ‘Way to go dad... er Clay.’ Jeb grinned with unholy glee as he stepped out of his father’s reach and bolted for the door. DG couldn’t help the bubble of laughter that escaped her. Cain snapped the book closed with a sigh pinched the bridge of his nose.

‘Um Cain?’

‘Go to your lesson princess.’ shaking his head as he sank down onto the pale leather sofa removing his hat and running his hand through his hair.

‘But the book? Shouldn’t we talk? Go find the author and beat the stuffing out of him? Lock him in the tower?’

‘Not now DG.’

‘Okay.’ DG nodded.

‘Oh and its possible princess.’ Cain deadpanned and DG looked at him blanky. 'Page 96,' he arched his scarred eyebrow and DG’s jaw dropped, cheeks burning scarlet. 

fin

**Author's Note:**

> Utterly fluffy and ridiculous crack. But the writing of it helped keep the gremlins of depression away so there's that.


End file.
